Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Another Boring Beer Recipe

This article puts "Cooking with beer" at  #3 on the "5 MOST BORING TOPICS IN BEER JOURNALISM" list. I was just typing up my experiments with beer-battered fish when that article arrived — courtesy of a tweet by AGoodBeerBlog's Alan McLeod. (Oh I'm on twitter, finally, just in time for it to become obsolete probably: dansmallbeer)

The list is tongue-in-cheek, more of a platform for Hedonist Beer Jibe's cheeky ranting skills. But it's true. Beer journalism is awash with some dull, routinized writing. It gets worse when your magazine has a "Cooking with Beer" column, which you then simply have to fill every week, with increasing desperation. Here's some examples* I didn't see recently:

Milk Stout Beerios!
1x small bowl of Cheerios breakfast cereal
1x 12oz serving of Three Floyd's "Moloko Plus" Milk Stout
Wake up, shake the foggy regret from your throbbing head, and dump a bottle of milk stout over your favourite cereal. Return to bed and spoon into mouth gratefully — avoiding the cereal, of course. Sleep, then repeat.

Dubbel Whopper
3x hamburger patties
2x buns
1x snifter of North Coast Brother Thelonius Dubbel
Gourmet burgers don't come much classier than this. Soak one split bun overnight in the snifter of dubbel. Cook and assemble burger, inserting dubbel-soaked bun halves between the three patties. Eat, within dashing distance of a latrine. Avoid clothing with sleeves.

Eggs Beernedict
2x eggs
2x English muffins
6oz cream
1x 600ml bottle of Tilburg's Dutch Brown Ale
True hollandaise sauce can be a real bingo-wings enhancer. This recipe keeps your netherlands in check with a healthy, slimming Dutch ale. Poach 2 eggs in half the ale. Whisk remaining ale with the cream. Slop the lot over your muffins and serve.

If you're still hungry, here's some pictures of my recent beer-battered fish and chips. I went with a white ale, as my wife sensibly suggested the citrus notes would work with the fish. The batter is just a cup or so of self raising flour (flour plus baking soda plus pinch of salt), with garlic powder, pepper and cayenne added. I dredge the cod through some cornstarch before battering, then sling into 2" of oil for 2-3mins a side. You don't need to deep fry, a few inches is enough.
I've been honing the recipe, and have used lager, stout, wheat beer and hoppy pale ales. To be frank, I can't say there's a lot of difference. Beer is better than water, but the type of beer adds little to the flavour in my experience. I got pretty great results with a tall-boy of Löwenbrau. I think the fizz is the important thing, as it does tend to produce very crispy batter, as you can see above. It is advisable to let your fish rest briefly on paper towels (or newspaper if you're old-school), in the open air. This provides maximum crunch and minimum lard. Oh, and a tall-boy is essential, as you'll only need half of it for the batter, and frying is thirsty work.

*These recipes are all wastes of good beer invented by smallbeer as a joke, and as such, should definitely be cooked by no-one. Except the fish. That one's yum.


  1. Why anyone would want to waste a measure of Thelonius on meat products is beyond me? What is nice and simple is to saute onions in a sweet IPA.

  2. A this point smallbeer should reiterate that those recipes are a joke I dreamed up.

  3. I will make these one day. I may have to substitute some of the beers.

    I don't get any milk stouts locally. I think an oatmeal stout would just as well. People eat oatmeal for breakfast. I eat oatmeal for breakfast.

    I don't think Driftwood's dubbel is avialable, but I know I can find Petrus and Chimay Red without difficulty.

    AS far as something Dutch I'm not going to use Heineken. The only thing Dutch that I have is a Koningshoeven Quad. Should impart more flavour than the Tilburg.

  4. That is some funny shit right there buddy. A real good laugh. This post made my night. I thank you.

  5. Greetings. I'm wondering if you would be interested in doing a link swap? I notice your blog: http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=4304183771656770763&postID=6328179441243356195 and my blog are based mostly around the same subject matter. I'd really
    like to swap links or perhaps guest author a article for you.
    Here is my personal e-mail: star_saucedo@bigstring.
    com. You should contact me if you're even slightly interested. Thank you.

    my page ... trake

  6. Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I
    could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having
    problems finding one? Thanks a lot!

    Also visit my blog post :: action

  7. I am new to building sites and I was wondering if having your blog title relevant to your articles and
    other content really that crucial? I see your title,
    "Blogger: small beer " does appear to be spot on with what your blog is about yet, I prefer to
    keep my title less content descriptive and based more
    around site branding. Would you think this is a good idea
    or bad idea? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    Here is my site: stump removal

  8. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so
    she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
    I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share
    it with someone!

    Stop by my page; profesionalna

  9. I'm new to building web sites and I was wanting to know if having your blog title relevant to your content really that crucial? I notice your title, "Blogger: small beer " does seem to be spot on with what your website is about however, I prefer to keep my title less content descriptive and based more around site branding. Would you think this is a good idea or bad idea? Any kind of help would be greatly valued.

    Here is my blog: Sds tree
    Also see my web site - removal products

  10. Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you're working with? I'm planning to start my own blog in the
    near future but I'm having a hard time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something unique.
    P.S Apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

    Look at my blog; traka

  11. Please let me know if you're looking for a article writer for your weblog. You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd really like to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please blast me an email if interested. Regards!

    Feel free to visit my web page - profesionalna

  12. When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and
    now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the
    same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Thanks a lot!

    my blog :: recovery

  13. Neat blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog shine.
    Please let me know where you got your theme.

    Here is my blog: lost data

  14. Later on, among the continued practice ending up will continue
    to be auxiliary accustomed burning the various chords. The sooner you memorize some chords,
    the easier will be for you to perform plenty of styles of
    music. Best Regards.

    Also visit my blog - Piano Chords and tabs

  15. DJ spins out on Saturday nights. Brazenhead is a great place to
    go with your family or for a business lunch
    or dinner, but if you are looking for a party atmosphere, this isn't it. Theme Format: It is almost like standard format of the pub quiz.

    Also visit my website: fun pub quiz names

  16. Also, we need to determine the rounds of the quiz according to it.
    Local country clubs are offering trivia fun for as little as forty
    dollars per couple. 8.

    Here is my page; fun pub quiz names

  17. These make a kayak track very but hamper hard turns or tight turns.
    There is a trade-off however that needs to be discussed. All these factors
    are important when choosing your kayak.

    my webpage - Debt consolidation assistance